Good Enough: Why the Inner Critic Doesn’t Get the Last Word (Part 2)

You might be surprised that, with years in pastoral care, chaplaincy, and grief support, I’d consider a book titled I Don’t Care & Neither Should You!

I hope that as I continue pouring out my thoughts, you’ll start to grasp the unique perspective I’m coming from. I haven’t suddenly changed my passion, my character, or my desire to offer empathy, love, and support for the many dear folks who need it. No, not at all. The idea of “I don’t care” refers only to developing such a strong and solid sense of who I am in God and in Christ that I wear a permanent bullet-proof—or should I say, guilt-proof—vest over my heart in order to shield me from the world’s brutal expectations of who it thinks I need to be. And when I name the “world’s” expectations, sadly, I must also include some of the people who identify as Christians.

As we grow closer to God and experience His love and grace more and more, our hearts feel more peace and more contentment. As I shared earlier, I began to understand and truly believe, “I am enough.” What a relief, what a burden lifted, what a joy!

All the striving, chasing, and feelings of worthlessness fade. What remains is someone who’s learned that “the more I have of God, the less I need of everything else.”

This rare and seemingly elusive trait of contentment results in someone who isn’t easily hurt or deceived by comments about how lacking they are in areas such as physical beauty, intellectual capacity, work competency, skills, and so on.

It doesn’t mean they are lazy, unambitious, or never wish to grow in these areas. In fact, they are often the ones who have proved themselves to be lifelong learners in many things. They simply don’t feel driven by external expectations from others. Their motivation for an upward and forward trajectory comes from a deep inner place where God speaks, leads, molds, shapes, guides, directs, provides, and orchestrates their life circumstances.

As I watched The Social Dilemma documentary, it struck me not only how cruel, depraved, and heartless young people can be to each other online, but also how weak and vulnerable the victims were. If only the old adage were actually true:

“Sticks and stones will break my bones,

But names, or words, will never hurt me.”

The heartbreaking truth is that those cruel names and words cause far more pain and damage than a broken bone, which heals fairly quickly. These dark words of betrayal, accusation, slander, scorn, and lies are flung at so many innocent victims. I want to scream at the bullies, “Just leave them alone!” Yet, at the same time, another champion voice inside me wants to turn to the innocent victims and charge them with, “Put up your shield! Find the inner truth that you are enough. Thumb your nose at these depraved individuals and gather your courage to proclaim: ‘I really don’t care what you think!’”

Okay, press the pause button.

Because I have a confession to make.

I may be a totally irrelevant writer and thinker on this social media dilemma topic for this generation. I admit it—I may be out of touch with the times and the reality of the issues. I can just hear my daughter and grandson saying, “You don’t get it!”

I’m a 73-year-old retiree from a pastoral staff position, and I recently started my private practice in spiritual direction. I’m somewhat computer-savvy, but I just started using Facebook, which I understand is old social media now! I understand and use Zoom, Skype, Messenger, email, and text, but I haven’t yet gotten sucked into Twitter, TikTok, Snapchat, and so on.

So, feel free to stop reading or listening to me at this point.

But…

I have lived through the rise of technology, and I have worked with quite a few people through all kinds of difficult life situations, including my own family. So, if life experience counts for anything, you might be patient with an old lady and hear me out for what it’s worth. Just consider me to be your ol’ Gram, Oma, or Nana who cares about you and offers some potentially wise advice.

Notice, I do care about you.

I just don’t care about what you think of me—because my value and peace come from God alone. That’s the freedom I hope to share.

Carol is a graduate of the three-year Emmaus Formation Centre Certificate program for Spiritual Direction. She also brings more than 30 years of leadership experience in the Christian evangelical tradition, where she offered pastoral care and chaplaincy support for many throughout life’s challenges. She began her private spiritual direction practice in 2020, and her passion is to be a companion for others on their spiritual journey and help them find renewed joy, hope, and rest in their relationship with God.